please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize