My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
