yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think people are normalizing furries
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
