I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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