i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
