So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
