Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize