The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize