a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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