i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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