My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
