Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
