You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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