Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
