I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
