the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
