Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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