Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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