I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
