No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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