how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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