Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
