so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
