Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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