come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
