Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
