they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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