I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My cat gives me a boner
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
