U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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