im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
