My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
