Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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