Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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