I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
only you would photoshop your dick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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