Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
