we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
