I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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