im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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