I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your cock deserves a montage
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
