youre lurking in front of me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
