HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
