Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
