so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
