Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
