I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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