he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
