brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
