oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
