did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
