Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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