She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize