i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
