just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
