My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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