We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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