i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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