I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
