Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just gift wrapped bread.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
