Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
