he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
