My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
