i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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