Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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