Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
